There is something about heralding in a new year that brings hope and renewal for some, and regret for others.
2019 Was A Mixed Bag For Me…
My documentary was completed and released, and I felt honored to have helped some extraordinary women tell their stories of survival. Doing this work definitely took its toll, but also reminded me what happens when you surrender to guidance and trust your instincts. I am mindful that creative energy flows through me and is not from me. I had to learn how to detach from the energy around these stories, the horrors the women suffered and still do justice to those stories. I am still practicing how to offer support without taking on the darkness.
Toward the end of production, I began having shoulder pain which led to five months of troubleshooting, physical therapy and ultimately the decision to have surgery at the end of June. A few days prior to surgery, my daughter was in a car accident. My car was totaled while she and her friend had minor injuries.
My perception has changed. I look back on 2019 with gratitude. The blessings may not be obvious, but it is now so clear that this past year rolled out exactly as it was meant to. The shoulder pain brought my attention back to my body. The car accident was a reminder that things can dramatically change in an instant. The surgery cracked me open spiritually. It was a time for examination and reconnection. I began feeling more joy, to appreciate more and complain less, and to reconnect with me. Not the “ego” me. But the listening behind all of the self-talk. The self-talk can go very negative, telling us we’re not good enough, that life isn’t fair, that some things are not possible…I was able to begin to experience something entirely different by focusing on the presence that is simply witnessing that conversation.
The timing of my surgery meant that my husband could keep to his busy work schedule without worrying too much about me since my daughter was home for her summer break. And my daughter was there 100% for me, assuring me it was something she wanted to do whenever I was feeling like a burden to her. She was all in. To allow myself to be vulnerable and accept the love and support my family gave me was a miracle that has forever changed me. It renewed my spirit and caused me to want more joy and less negativity in my life.
2019 was also the beginning of a meditation practice. I spend at least a few minutes each day consciously shifting my energy to joy and appreciation. The miracle in all of this is how much more positive I feel about my life and my surroundings. I now see all of the miracles that have brought me to this moment in time. And my biggest take away from 2019?
The miracle isn’t how well we avoid fear; the miracle is how quickly we return to love.
When we begin to shift away from the old self-talk borne out of fear and shift into the energy of abundance and faith (LOVE), we are shifting the outcome. I have experienced firsthand the miracle of holding a vision for something and seeing it manifest. When we stand in the energy that all is well, our perception changes which in turn affects the outcome.
For a couple of years now, my daughter wanted me to get a mother/daughter tattoo. I couldn’t think of what I wanted to see every day. One day, it hit me. Permanently engraved on my wrist is this constant reminder…
We attract what we believe. If you believe you aren’t good enough, if you believe there isn’t enough money or time….guess what? That is what will manifest. My surgery is an example of this. Initially, I was complaining and feeling down about my age, about not feeling well physically. My bones and muscles were failing me. But as I shifted my perception, seeing it as a sign to be taking better care of myself, allowing a great surgeon and physical therapist to assist me in getting back to wellness, the outcome shifted. The surgery turned out better than expected. The healing went much faster and I had more moments of joy and appreciation.
2019 was also a reckoning around my weight. I realized how much negativity was still present even after I had shed the 80 pounds, and it is what led me to put weight back on. The choices I make in the moment are a direct reflection of how I’m feeling about myself. The shift wasn’t about whether it’s a good thing to stay Luminous, the shift was learning how to handle the moments when I fall short and release the old beliefs.
Some of you may be going through the same thing. You tell yourself it’s important to release the weight and yet, too often you’re going off track. When you look at the “why” I encourage you to begin noticing the internal conversation taking place. Whenever I’m eating off plan and I really drill down on the “why, ” it all boils down to fear. When I’m tired, feeling lonely, feeling stressed, feeling entitled, or feeling like I’ve failed, all of those feelings have fear at the root. Take a moment to list all of the reasons why you’ve not achieved your weight loss goal, or any other goal that has eluded you. Challenge yourself to write down each and every reason that comes to mind. Allow the words to flow without being critical. Now go back through your list and think about what was driving it and the shift you could make around that self-talk. Here are two of mine:
1. What I Told Myself:
I’m hungry and tired. This is too hard. I’ll never get there so I might as well enjoy myself now. What does it matter when I have so far to go?
The Fear Behind It:
I am afraid this won’t make a difference. I’m afraid I don’t have the courage or strength to achieve my goals.
Whenever I have a weak moment, I remember that food will not fix this. This moment will pass. I am grateful I receive guidance and support that will allow me to do the next right thing.
2. What I Told Myself:
I’m alone and I can do whatever I want. No one will know or care anyway.
The Fear Behind It:
I am afraid no one really cares about me. I’m afraid of that empty feeling. I’m afraid of the discomfort.
I am supported by my higher power and I am constantly being guided. I simply need to ask for support and it will come.
When I shed those 80 pounds, I made a conscious effort to shift that internal conversation. Where it fell apart for me was when I stopped writing, stopped asking for support, and stopped making time to take care of me. I allowed the ego to step in and take over. I was making real change and the ego doesn’t like that. For years I thought of my body in a certain way. I rarely believed I could ever be a thin person. Those old beliefs came back. And I listened. This past year hasn’t been perfect. What has been different is the time between going off and getting back on track. I post on the A-Team even when things aren’t going as well. When I feel the shame rise, I’m able to shift out of it more quickly. I accept that I will still have my fear and I can shift back into love at any moment.
7 STEPS FOR ALIGNMENT
Surrender. When we take our hands off the wheel by asking for support for the highest good for all, it can light us up. when we are lit up, doors open and the next step is revealed. Forget what you think you need. stay open for something better.
Focus on what’s thriving. Bring your attention to what is already working. You can return to this any point during the day.
Recognize that obstacles and challenges are opportunities to shift. Rumi says, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
Begin each day by elevating your energy and raising your vibration. Take a few minutes each morning to be still. focus on the things that light you up and bring you joy. Allow the negative thoughts to be released and witness the presence underneath the chatter. If you find this difficult at first, try listening to music that inspires you or a guided meditation.
Accept the current situation. This does not mean you agree or approve, you are simply accepting what is in that moment. Being stuck in traffic or dealing with illness can be an opportunity to raise your energy to move through it with less pain and aggravation. it will also bring you clarity on the next right action where change is possible.
Protect your energy throughout the day. You are only responsible for your energy. It is not your job to “fix” others. Appreciate that everyone is on their own journey, and their actions are not about you.
Create clear boundaries. This will come easily to you once you know the truth about you: You are love and light.
2020 doesn’t have to be a struggle. No matter what comes up, there is always a choice as to how we respond and the lens we choose. If we make a poor choice, we can choose again. As Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, do better.”
Know that you are supported and guided, and begin noticing the miracles happening all around you. ❤️